i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
