Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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