So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
