I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
