that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
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I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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