Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
