I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
