I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
