I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
