I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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