I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
