Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
