So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
