very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
