I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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