Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
