my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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