well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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