My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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