Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Come see our sink grown plant.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
