I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
