I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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