It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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