..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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