Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
