Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
