I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
