Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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