Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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