I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
