cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
