Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
