The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
