She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
