he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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