I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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