i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
