He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
