hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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