Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
