Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
