Got a toothbrush?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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