u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
