we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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