Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
