how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
