That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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