I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
