The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
