i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
