Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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