i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
