How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
