Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
