i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
