my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
