Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
